Job's Grief

Macayla has not given us a reliable pattern or behavior. Her vomiting has not been as predictable as we would prefer. The times when she is most interactive are unpredictable. Her throat is weakened and causes gagging quite a bit. It is sad to watch and often we feel helpless to do much for her. We take some comfort in the fact one of her new medicines, Lorazepam, seems to help keep her comfortable. We just wish we could do more for her.

I've been studying the book of Job lately. It is a difficult book to study and there are many facets to consider. God's sovereignty, the nature of suffering, counseling, and grief. We have bouts of grief quite often. We speak about it and even rage through it. Job spoke of his grief in powerful ways. He wished for his own death because his suffering was greater than most of us could even begin to fathom. His friends tried to correct his words and thinking in the midst of his grief. (Not a good way to start off counseling). Job's response resonated with me. "Do you intend to reprove my words, when the words of one in despair belong to the wind?" (Job 6:26) Sometimes we just need to vent our grief. We may even speak wrongly or incorrect theology in those moments. In Job's case it is notable that God later said Job spoke correctly and his friends did not. But spoken correctly or not, we may need to speak, rage, vent or cry through our grief. Job's friends did the most good when they were just there and kept their mouths shut! They messed up when they tried to explain God's motives to Job.

This weekend, we had friends and family come to visit. Friends from our church in Greenville and here in Anderson. My family from Aiken came to visit. Lately, my grief has been palpable and at times overwhelming because of all the changes in Macayla. This weekend has been a blur but comforting. Having friends and family here to just hang out, eat with, and love on was one of the biggest comforts there is. We spoke about things, though I can't remember exactly about what. We joked. We hugged. Did I mention we ate? We enjoyed watching the kids play and the dogs run themselves into exhaustion. Everyone got to see Macayla and love on her. It is amazing how stupefying grief can be. I really feel like I was only half awake in my interactions with everyone. But I woke up comforted this morning. The exhaustion is still here in spite of sleeping 13 hours last night! But God's comfort has been passed on through His people. Thanks be to Him and all who He worked through this weekend.