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Here's Your Sign

So, we are on our way to New Orleans to visit the seminary campus and during a stop-over in Montgomery, AL the weather report above comes out. Tropical storm Bonnie was on its way to New Orleans and would hit two days after we were to arrive. Five years ago, when we moved to New Orleans for seminary, a little tropical system known as Katrina showed up two weeks after we moved in. Of course, we had to evacuate and it was a few months later we got Macayla's diagnosis and God let us stay in South Carolina while she was still with us. We are so thankful for that time.

I was sitting in the hotel lobby in Montgomery, drinking coffee and looking at this weather map. Was it a sign we are not supposed to go back to New Orleans? After Katrina, several folks said the hurricane was a sign we should not be there. Many said this tongue-in-cheek, but several were serious. Others did not even consider it a sign but simply said it made no sense for us to move to such a place and it still doesn't. When I saw the forecast for Bonnie, I heard those statements again. We were headed down just for a visit and the tropics showed out! Well, we continued on to New Orleans and come Sunday morning, Bonnie had simply fizzled out. We were thankful it did not do more.

Is God trying to tell us something in all of this? Why, yes He is! He is trying to teach us that circumstances are not the primary communication tool He uses. If we rely on circumstances to tell us what we are supposed to do with our lives, we will never be settled on our purpose and God's will. God gave us something called Scripture for that. In the case of Bonnie, we could say, "That was God's way of reminding us to stay away from New Orleans." But, since the storm fizzled out we could say, "Look it's a sign God will protect us from the storms now and is confirming we need to move to New Orleans." Depending on our emotional state or how spicy our Mexican food was from the night before, we could come out with all sorts of interpretations of our circumstances.

That is what Scripture is for. It is the filter and lens we are to see our circumstances through. God reveals himself to us in Scripture and the clearer we see Him, the clearer we can see ourselves and our circumstances. But we have to be looking for what Scripture says about Him first. If we pick up the Bible and treat it as a self-help book, textbook, or magic formula to fix our lives, we will be very disappointed. We must seek what the text reveals about God first and from there answers begin to flow. Scripture records for us that Jesus even said, "Seek first the kingdom of God and all these things will be added unto you." (Matthew 6)

So, were Katrina and Bonnie signs? Yes, signs of bad weather! Besides, how prideful and silly it is to think God would orchestrate hurricane Katrina, kill over one thousand people and displace hundreds of thousands more just to communicate to the Smoaks from South Carolina to not come to New Orleans! Certainly God is capable of such power, but He already gave us His direction for our lives through Scripture and much prayer. For some people it does not make sense to move to a city that is located in hurricane ally and is below sea level. It doesn't make sense to us either, except for the fact God said to.

One of the things Scripture reveals about God is that He rarely calls people to a comfortable and posh purpose. It happens sometimes as we see with Isaiah and Nathan in the Bible. But when God became flesh in Jesus Christ, He came to a hard life that was rejected and misunderstood by many. The signs he performed were misinterpreted by many. After three years of ministry and miracles, He had 120 disciples. Definitely not a mega-church! He went to a literal Hell on earth at the cross where the just wrath our sins deserve was placed on Him and not us. This was certainly not "Your Best Life Now" kind of Christianity! There was no smiling at the cross! Christ died at the cross, but rose from the tomb. He called us to take up our crosses and follow Him. If that means we have to go to places that are not comfortable or even dangerous, then that is where we go. This does not mean we throw our brain in the trash can. That is not faith. It means we are to utilize our brains and see what God tells us in His Word and act on it. We have to use our brains, hearts, bodies and souls to serve Him. ("Love the Lord, your God, with all your heart, mind, soul and strength..." the Greatest Commandment.)

So, here's your sign (to quote the comedians). It's called Scripture and prayer. It is God's gift to us so that we do not have to flounder and squirm around wondering what our purpose is. Let us seek Him first, take up our crosses and go!

By the way, God confirmed for us through prayer and Scripture that we are to move back to New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary. We are working toward starting on campus by next fall.

Child-Like, Not Childish

We just spent a week on Hilton Head Island with a lot of family. It is an annual trip and we have tried to go when we could in the past. This year was full of fun as always, but it was hard for us. Being on vacation without Macayla seemed wrong. Moving on and doing things we as a family need or want to do can even stir up guilt. Of course, we know there is nothing to be guilty about as we have to get on with our lives, but the guilt is there nonetheless. Even the thought of starting back with seminary has a strange mix of excitement and guilt. But we know we have to pursue what God has for us and "move on" so to speak. Besides, even Macayla's last word was "Go!"

The beach was fun and we took our dog Lily with us. She loved the water and wanted to chase every bird she saw, even if they were a quarter mile out in the ocean. She also seems to be on the menu for alligators! A seven-foot alligator was very interested in Lily when we walked along the lagoon behind our condo. Jacob wore himself out and stayed wet, sandy, sweaty, and on the go most of the time. We fished and crabbed with minimal results and ate way too much. It was good to see so many in our family at the same time.

Jacob has been worried over the possibility of moving back to New Orleans. He became upset at one point this week when it came up. He says he wants to stay through the fifth grade at his current school and he is worried he will not have any friends in New Orleans. He simply was too young to truly remember when we were there the first time, but he literally started making friends in the first 15 minutes he was there. We tried to reassure him and I looked for some Scripture on the matter. What struck me was Matthew 18-19. At first this section of text caught my attention because it records Jesus holding children up as examples of what it means to be a disciple. But the text has a message for us all and it was ironic I was studying this while staying in Sea Pines on Hilton Head Island.

Jesus said we must become like a child if we want to enter the kingdom of heaven. We must not import our modern, western ideal of childhood into this passage. Jesus is NOT saying for us to be naive, cute, and uninformed. In first-century Judea, children were third-class citizens. They had little to no rights. Jesus was telling his disciples, grown men, to give up their rights; to humble themselves and put others first. It was radical and insulting in that culture. The idea of debasing ourselves is insulting for our own culture. Later, Jesus teaches his disciples to not prevent children from coming to him for the "kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." The next person they meet is a rich, young man recorded for us in Matthew 19:16-30. The young man asks what it takes to have eternal life. Jesus responds with a summary of the Ten Commandments, conspicuously leaving out the first four. The man responds he has done all of these things but seems to know something is still lacking and asks as much. Jesus said if the man wanted to be complete he needed to sell all of his things, give the money to the poor and follow Christ. The rich, young man went a way grieving.

Jesus told his disciples it was more difficult for a rich man to get into the kingdom of heaven than for a camel to go through the eye of a needle. This amazed the disciples as their contemporary theology told them wealthy people were blessed by God for their righteousness. If they could not get into heaven, who could? They would have looked around Sea Pines and seen a bunch of righteous people. But Jesus was saying our wealth and possessions can become idols and hinder us from serving him. This is what the first four of the Ten Commandments is about. Peter proclaimed he and the disciples left everything to follow Jesus. What's in it for them? Jesus responded that the disciples will have places of authority in the eternal kingdom and anyone who "has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or farms for My name's sake, will receive many times as much and will inherit eternal life. But many who are first will be last; and the last, first." There it is!

This is what Jacob and our family needs. When we consider God's call on our lives as a family, what is keeping us from following it? A house? A comfortable, safe neighborhood and school? A certain income level? None of these things are bad and sometimes we are blessed with them so they can be used for God's kingdom, but not our own. As I looked around Hilton Head Island, I saw great blessing, but I wondered how that blessing was being used for God's glory. It made me wonder if an alternative family vacation could be a mission trip. If I could get my extended family involved we would have a ready-made team of nurses, construction workers, engineers, great cooks, great childcare, and a Bible teacher. We even have an attorney! Our family has all the skill-sets we need to meet a wide range of needs.

In the meantime, we are planning a trip to New Orleans to get reacquainted and seek God's confirmation, one way or the other, if he wants us to return. We hope this Scripture and the trip will also help Jacob gain some clarity as well. Pray for him and us, please, as we seek to be child-like, not childish, for Christ.

A New Friend

Today, we got to meet a family with a special little girl. Stephanie has a mitochondrial condition among other diagnoses. She lit up when we told her how beautiful she was. She cooed at us as we held her hand and smiled so big! She acted just as Macayla did a little over a year ago. It reminded me of when I could make certain sounds and it would get Macayla to laugh a certain way and smile. She would be very responsive. Stephanie transported us back in time a bit. We got to connect with her, and in a way, with Macayla. It was joyful, helpful, tearful and hard all at the same time. I had to restrain myself from just scooping her up in my arms. (Since they just met us, I wasn't sure her mom would understand.) It was good to meet her and play with her. I could have stayed all day. What a big blessing from someone with such a small frame. Thank you, Stephanie and thank you, Lord for her and our time with her.

Macayla's Celebration Video

Here you will see a quick glimpse of Macayla's funeral. Unfortunately, there was no footage of all that we set up in the gathering of family and friends just before the service. But hopefully, it will give you an idea. Gene Ownbey at Edwards Road Baptist Church preached this sermon. I wish I could have shared the whole thing, but Youtube won't allow a video of that length. Thanks to all who have held us up through this.

Funerals

We thank everyone for the continued prayers and support. We still get cards and emails and they certainly show up at just the right time. Thanks.

We are doing well and appropriate overall. We have found a home for almost all of Macayla's equipment so that other special-needs families can benefit. We are still sorting many items and that always seems to stir up memories, some hard and some sweet. Jacob has been very busy and having fun this summer. He seems to be showing the first signs of outward grief. We were told that kids can take as long as six weeks before they even cry. He is a strong kid and like his Dad, he struggles to process and express emotion.

We really want to thank McDougald Funeral Home. They were great to work with and went the extra mile with us. Mark and Wendell were great to work with and were very thoughtful, sensitive and encouraging. They thought of things we never would have. They listened to our wishes and helped us weed through the details.

It is the details and cost of a funeral that can be so overwhelming. We felt like we needed to share a bit about that for other families who are on a similar path to our own. But it is good for all of us to know as we all will make a trip to a funeral home one day.

The cost of a funeral is more than you would expect. We are only sharing this so that others can be more prepared for the financial side than we were. We put money back and pre-paid for part of the funeral, but it was still not enough. Thanks to the generosity of some family and friends, the costs were covered.

The funeral home services were worth every penny to us. That was approximately $4,500 and that covered their services, limos, transporting Macayla, etc. This could have been a little bit more had we held the visitation or the funeral in their facilities. Then there was the obituary in the newspapers. This is the part we struggled to understand. Greenville news charged us $445; Anderson Independent - $94; Aiken Standard - $244; and Williamston - $18. They charge by the line typically and that is understandable, otherwise people would go on and on in the obituaries and take up too much space in the paper. (In fact, some do!) But I just had to wonder why they could not put a reasonable, standard price for a basic announcement and then charge by the line beyond that. Anyway, there is also the costs of death certificates which is not much ($54 for 12 copies). The caskets usually start just under $1,000 and go up from there. Macayla's was very simple and cost $960. If you have a pastor and musicians involved, you will want to include an honorarium for them as well. Such as $100 for the pastor and $20-$50 per musician depending on the situation. The funeral costs were around $6,400.

But there is also the cost of the cemetery. Macayla was in a mosemleum and it is more expensive than a plot in the ground. But the plot requires a vault and the burial, and those are on top of the cost of the plot. I'm not exactly sure of the mosemleum costs as her spot was given to us by family. But I believe it is around $3,000 for the spot and to open and close it at burial. Then there is the marker that goes on it. We spent $1,200 on that. Memorials on grave plots have a wide range of prices depending on how ornate and large. Overall, the cost of Macayla's funeral was about $11,000. This is a lower-end price as we did many things ourselves for the visitation and we did not spend much on the casket. Knowing this can help someone plan for a funeral's cost more effectively and more realistically.

We pre-planned Macayla's funeral, but there were still plenty of details we had to work out in those few days after she passed. Pre-planning does not cover every base, so be prepared. But pre-planning made it all that much smoother once the time came. It is worth it and with McDougald, we were able to pay ahead of time what we could and it went into an interest-bearing account. The money we put in there made more money and that went further in paying for the funeral. Pre-planning and pre-paying is the way to go.

Speaking of all the decisions that must be made between the death and the funeral, it can also help to have someone who will go with you to the funeral home and cemetery and help with the financial decisions. It helps to take someone along you trust and is able to stay more objective because their level of grief is not as heavy as your own. Unfortunately, there are people in the funeral business that will over charge or add services you never wanted. Having a clearer head in the room with you helps. We were fortunate and did not have that problem.

This was our experience. I hope it helps someone else. We thank you all for your continued love. We miss our little girl. We love our little girl. We know she is right where she needs to be and she is loving it. We celebrate with our little girl.