Unexpected

We decided to go camping for a couple of days this week. It has been years since Jennifer or I have been and it was Jacob's first time. We quickly discovered many things we needed and didn't bring but the good news was we were only ten minutes from the house. It was great because we were on Lake Hartwell and it seemed like we were far from home, but we were close enough to get what we needed.

Jacob absolutely loved it and did not want to come home. Lily went with us and went swimming for the first time. She was mesmerized by the lake, it's noises and motion. Once she got in, she didn't want to quit. Being a Corp of Engineers camp ground, she had to stay restrained on a leash or line the whole time and she didn't like that. The squirrels and birds taunted Lily from a safe distance. She so wanted to chase them! Jacob loved using the tent he got for his birthday and he's ready to go back. Dad, on the other hand, needs a rest as camping is labor-intensive relaxation!

But on this side of the funeral we have faced many ups and downs. On Thursday morning, I was glad we were camping, away from the house, phone and email. On Thursday afternoon, I wanted nothing more than to be home. We have found our energy level will suddenly drop off and we will crash.

We have been grieving for 4 1/2 years. Our devastating news came with the diagnosis. We have grieved along the way as Macayla lost more and more abilities. That's why our tears were different at the funeral than many expected. But it has been different than we expected. We've always know we could never be fully prepared, but we did not expect the ups and downs to be this frequent and wide in range. There are little things that impact you more than you expect. I pulled a little glass jar out of the dishwasher. It was the jar we always mixed one of Macayla's meds in. This little jar brought on an unexpected flood of emotion. Then there's the back and forth about Macayla's things. One moment I want to clear everything out, and the next I don't want to touch anything. We also are constantly reminded that our schedule does not revolve around Macayla now. That is very difficult. It comes a mix of relief and guilt. We miss our girl.

Again, thanks to all for the continued prayers and support. We also thank so many of you who have made donations in honor of Macayla to the various organizations we mentioned in her obituary. We have been receiving notices daily. We pray that through all of this that people see what a blessing Macayla is, learn about special-needs, find resources that help with special needs, and that the works of God would be displayed in Macayla's life. That's why we share. He has been faithful and given grace and peace beyond understanding through this and He will continue to do so.